My favorite jokes from this book are:
- Q: Who sings, “Love me tender,” and makes Christmas toys?
- A: Santa’s Little Elvis
- Q: What was the hairdresser’s favorite Christmas song?
- A: Oh comb all ye faithful
- Q: Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach?
- A: Because he didn’t want to be recognized
- Q: How does Santa Claus take pictures?
- A: With his North Pole-aroid
Even Santa has a bit of a redneck side.
Nothing says, “Redneck Christmas” like a plastic reindeer that poops chocolate candy.
When I was in elementary school, I went on a field trip to see The Nutcracker. I was mesmerized by it. For the next couple of weeks, my mind played back scenarios from the ballet and the story continually ran through my imagination.
It was around this time, Mom took me to the local Christmas market. I found a booth selling small wooden soldiers that reminded me of the ballet.
I told Mom I wanted some of the wooden soldiers for Christmas, but she was reluctant to buy them. She didn’t understand why I would want nicknacks and felt it would be a waste of money.
I was relentless. I had to have one. Mom finally gave in and bought two of those soldiers for me.
I cherished those soldiers. Unfortunately, only one of the solders has survived all these years. It is the only toy from my childhood that I still own and I keep it in a glass display case.
It may sound strange, but this small wooden soldier is the best gift I ever received.