I was at the doctor’s office. There was a woman with her young son sitting across from me in the waiting room. The poor little fellow was not happy and he made sure everyone knew about his distress. That got me thinking.
As adults, we often hide our pain and our true emotions. We say we are fine, even if we are in great distress. We are often afraid to ask for help, because we might appear to be week or needy. We will suffer in silence, instead of asking for help.
However when children are hurting, physically or emotionally, they will seek out help. Children will immediately look for the people that love them and express their discomfort. Children are honest about their feelings and I admire them for that.
How can it be
People all around me
But they don’t see
I am never free
All alone and empty
They pass by me
Always too busy
They have friends and family
I’m nothing, but a flea
Pay attention to me
Please that is my plea
How can it be
People all around me
But they don’t see
While I was watching Gwen’s graduation ceremony last night, I was thinking and feeling so many different things. My mind and my emotions were in a terminal.
I was thinking about the day Gwen was born. She was 3 months premature and only weighed 2 pounds 2 ounces. She spent the first three months of her life in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. Her tiny body was covered in tubes, IV’s, and even a respirator.
In spite of all that, Gwen thrived. That’s when I knew Gwen has the heart of a fighter.
I thought about her favorite book as a child, “A Fish Out of Water.” Gwen would laugh every time I read the story to her and never seemed to get tired of it. We must have read that book a thousand times.
I thought about her favorite cartoon, “The Legend of Grimace Island.” She would watch the cartoon and immediately after it was finished, she wanted to rewind the tape and watch it all over again.
I tried to sneak in other cartoons, but Gwen was not having it. She only wanted to watch that one cartoon and made sure everyone knew it. She stood her ground on that issue. After all, she is a Thaler and we are one stubborn bunch.
Memories of Gwen riding a bicycle with training wheels and eventually learning how to ride without those training wheels flashed in my mind.
As a small child, Gwen was reluctant to try new foods. I helped her overcome that reluctance by giving each new food a creative name. Curley fries became slinky fries and chow mein became Chinese spaghetti.
Flash forward several years and that little girl is all grown up now. She has a driver’s license and a high school diploma. She is not a child anymore. She is now entering the adult world.
I am proud of Gwen for her accomplishment. I am excited to see what she will do next with her life and how she will begin to impact the world around her.
I am apprehensive about her entering college and getting a job. She will have to learn to fend for herself in this world. I will not be able to protect her in the same way and that scares me.
I am also sad, because that little girl is only a memory. I miss those years of innocence, playfulness, and the wonder in her eyes as she discovered the world around her.
Last night, so many memories and feelings ran through my mind. I am sure I experienced every emotion known to man all in one hour.
Life hasn’t always been easy for me. I have faced various traumatic events, dealt with grief, struggled with disabilities, and endured hardships. However, I will not allow those things to control me or destroy me. I am an overcomer.
I want to move forward to remain strong. I want to use my negative experiences to make me resilient. If I can overcome my past experiences then I can conquer whatever the future holds for me.
Have I ever found myself dwelling on my pity pot, crying about my struggles, and winning about why these things happened to me? The answer is yes. I admit I find it cathartic to do so at times.
There is no shame in feeling defeated or feeling sorry for yourself. Those are natural human emotions.
The important thing is to get off the pity pot and continue moving forward. Don’t let your past destroy your future.
Joey and Buddy are wrestling in the backyard and they are having a blast. Ben is outside with them and he wants to play too. However, Joey and Buddy are ignoring Ben. Poor Ben is sad and he is crying loudly.
That’s right. Two of my dogs are playing and one dog is crying, because he is being excluded from the game. Maybe his feelings are hurt.
Sometimes, they act like children.
I admit to feeling like the odd man out, at times. It seems like I have nothing in common with my family. I love my family and I mean no disrespect. However, we clash on a regular basis.
I enjoy spending my days writing and letting my mind wonder. I spend a lot of time reading. My sleeping schedule is at odds with the rest of my family. I have a tendency to ignore rules or view them as suggestions. I like to shake things up and do stuff that seems silly or even stupid. Also, I tend to drive my own family members crazy.
I have wondered if I was switched at birth. Maybe my parents took home the wrong baby, but I look so much like my family that’s probably not the answer. Maybe I am pulling from some long forgotten recessive gene. Whatever the answer, I am the weird one in the family.