Hiding From Dismal Days

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The weather has been dismal for a few days now.

The sky is a dull grey color, which strangely resembles cigarette ashes.

There is daylight, but there is no sun to be seen.

The rain and the heat mixes to create an oppressive humidity in the air.

I look out the window, but my view is distorted by raindrops.

My mood is impacted by the dismal day.

My emotional state is gloomy.

I have weather induced doldrums.

I want to hibernate until the sun returns.

If anyone needs me, I will be hiding under the covers.

Jails Doubling as Hospitals

After the recession, Alabama struggled with the budget.  A plan to cut expenses was needed, so the legislators decided to cut funding to the Department of Mental Health by 50% over a 5 year period.

Hospitals were closed and the community resources that remained were stretched way beyond capacity.  People needing treatment would have to wait for 3 or 4 months, by then a minor problem could easily become a crisis situation.

People in need of mental health treatment didn’t just disappear, so what happened to them?  When faced with a crisis, some of them ended up in jail.  I was reading an article (WHNT.com) that stated 30% of the population in the Huntsville jail are there for mental health reasons.

The legislators are starting to notice the result of their decision years ago.  It cost a lot more money to house someone in jail then it does to treat them in the community or to care for them in a hospital setting.

A committee has been formed to discuss the current problem.  The legislators are concerned, not because of the amount of people whose lives have been ruined by the lack of treatment.  They are concerned, because it is costing them money.

 

Binge Eating Disorder

I suffer with binge eating disorder. I feel like my mind and my body are not communicating.  I eat until I am so full that I am in pain; however, my brain is screaming for more food.

I finally talked to my doctor about it yesterday.  He gave me some information about binge eating disorder.  I learned the disorder has a genetic component and research shows people with the disorder tend to have a chemical imbalance in the brain.

The doctor developed a treatment plan for me and gave me a follow-up appointment.  I believe working with my doctor and attending the Celebrate Recovery meetings will allow me to finally beat this disorder.

Living With Depression

When you are suffering from a major depressive episode:

  • Your body feels weighted down.  Even simple tasks, like getting dressed, take an enormous effert.
  • Everything in life seems pointless.  Each day is just a drudgery.
  • There is an overwhelming exhaustion that cannot be cured, no matter how much you sleep you are still tired.
  • You try to remember this is only a relapse.  You try to maintain hope, because without it there would be no reason to live.
  • You want to cry out for help, but that would take to much energy.  Instead, you just curl up on the bed and suffer in silence.

Depression

I suffer with Major Depression.  It’s not something I like to talk about, but it does have a huge impact on my life.

Depressive episodes can happen without any warning.  My life can be going along fine, but out of nowhere a black cloud descends on me.

The cloud covers me and it feels like I am chocking.  I cannot see the good in life, because the cloud blocks out all light.

I have suffered with depression for years.  However, most people don’t know about it.  I feel embarrassed by it, even though I know it’s not my fault and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

I know I am not alone.  A lot of people have Major Depression.

If you also suffer with Major Depression, know that you are not alone either.

 

Asking for Help is Hard

I found this message in a fortune cookie.

“The healthy and strong individual is the one who asks for help when he needs it.”

I have a hard time asking for help when I need it.  I feel that asking for help, when I am depressed, makes me look weak or that people will think I am a loser.

It takes a lot of strength to admit that you have a problem and need help.

This fortune cookie message is right and has motivated me to improve in this area.